Archive for July 19, 2008

Why?

{ July 19, 2008 @ 8:32 pm } · { Welcome to the Neighborhood }
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Why do people downtown honk and scream and whistle at you while you’re walking your dog, then circle the blocks a few times when you ignore them?

I really don’t understand it. I don’t walk her in hooker clothes, so surely they don’t think I’m just going to invite them behind the bushes for a gang bang.

So why do it? Does that actually work on any woman in the world?

I mean, two guys in a rusted out 1993 Dodge Caravan with two donuts for two of the tires they couldn’t afford to replace start honking and whistling at me. Do they really think that is what I look for in a man? Someone who picks up his women on the street?

And when I ignore you, is it really necessary to drive around three times? Do you think I missed the show the first time around, and maybe the second time I’ll notice you and come on over for a chat?

In any case, I’m toying with the idea of selling out to a condo uptown, in a high rise, with a security guard force, security cameras, and people who walk your dog for you.

Thanks, jerks.

Vindication from a Crack Head

{ July 19, 2008 @ 7:53 pm } · { Crackheads, Crackwhores, Odd Moments }
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There’s one main crack dealer, she lives across the street from me. I’m not quite sure how she can afford it, I suppose perhaps she isn’t addicted to the drug she sells, which affords her a rather nice lifestyle.

She sees me walking Mogwai almost every day, and consequently I see her partaking in drug deals nearly every day. She has this drive-by thing going, people drive up, and she gives them the drugs. Perhaps this is how all drug dealers work, I’m not sure, as she is the first one I have actually seen up close, aside from Law & Order.

She always makes a point to let me know that she sees me seeing her doing her deals. She will be right up at the person’s window, right in the middle of her transaction, and she will wave at me, and holler something like, “Hey neighbor! Nice day for a walk!”

She’s very obvious about it, I just smile, go back inside, and accept it as a way of life.

The other day she was walking to her apartment from somewhere, and she came up beside us on the sidewalk. She said to me, “Wow, he looks like he’s losing weight! You got him on a diet or something?”

And I swelled with pride! I’ve been trying SO hard with Mogwai to get some weight off her, and she has lost five pounds, and I was so pleased someone noticed!

Nearly every day a crack head will yell at me that my dog is too fat, and it has been this ongoing struggle medically with her obesity, and finally, finally a crack head said she looks thin.

Vindication for all my hard work.

From a crack head.

Rich Guy Blows Up Some Money

{ July 19, 2008 @ 7:25 pm } · { Dark Videos, Family, Holidays }
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I spent the 4th at my sister’s lakehouse. Family always feels obligated to invite the old spinster sister, so there I was. There was a gentleman two doors down who spent about $20,000 on a fireworks display, possibly more, that was just an estimate.

That was just a few seconds. It went on for hours.

I’ll never have that much money.